Well, hello, my mid bloomers and welcome back to the living in mid bloom podcast. This is season three and episode one. And you're going to probably hear my cat in the background because she's trying to get my attention because she wants something like a T R E A T, but I'm busy working so I can feed you missy. Okay. Okay.
But anyway, happy late, late, late, late, late new year. I honestly expected to start this season earlier, but I had a really tough holiday season and it's always been difficult for me.
(1:19) Working Through Trauma
As some of you know, or some of you who have been listening, you know, I've struggled with childhood trauma and working through it. I've only recently, I'd say in the past 12 years, became fully aware of the trauma. So I feel like I'm a little behind in working through it. But I will tell you that right now I feel really good. The thing for me is that, well, and it's true, they say you have to go through, you can't go around, you can't keep numbing. In order to work through these things, you have to experienced some pain and I surely did. Yeah, so I find the holidays difficult because there's a lot of family that I no longer in touch with and there are a lot of friendships. I say a lot, but there have been a few friendships that have ended because I have been growing and changing and healing. And if other individuals choose not to grow,
or to heal or to be there for you in the way that you now need and in the old way of people pleasing, then relationships change and people no longer feel that space the way you needed to be filled. I guess it's about the energy.
and your vibration. I know my vibration has changed dramatically and it's brought some incredible people into my life. It's amazing. And I owe that to God. I believe in a God and you don't have to believe in a God. You can believe in your cat. You can believe in your neighbor, you know, and I look at myself as a spiritual person more than a religious person. So,
Like I was saying, the holidays were tough and I always felt this expectation that you have to celebrate the holidays in a certain way. You have to be surrounded by a million family members and eat a whole bunch of food. But mine wasn't like that. And because I felt it should have been different, I didn't enjoy it. And so that was my bad. I know better now.
(03:48.206) Self-Care and Personal Growth
I know better how to take care of myself the way I need to be taken care of. And I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for the growth that I'm experiencing. And it's interesting how, again, you know, you ask for something. I asked God, I said, I've lost so many people. There are so many people that are no longer in my life. And speaking with my spiritual coach who said, He will bring you other people. That's what he will bring you other people and he did. And he did. So I'm grateful. You know, the other part of it is the work that I'm doing on myself. It's a lot of work. It's a lot of work to change your mindset, to understand your emotions, to take a really good look at yourself. I can't tell you how many times I'd be watching something on TV. And I think I watch too much TV, but I do have to say I'm learning some lessons. You know, when I'm watching somebody and for some reason I don't like the character and I'm trying to figure out why I don't like them, where they make me feel uncomfortable in some way. And then I realize, oh, see, they've got that habit that I have and I don't like. and I'm watching them do it and I don't like it. What I'm grateful that I can see that, I could see that, okay, that is something that I've either stopped or I'm still doing it and I recognize it for what it is. So I'm grateful for that. It's like, TV is my partial therapist here, then so be it. But, you know, I think of last year where I...
really got the podcast going. And then I had the mini stroke that made me realize that I had to take better care of my, you know, physical and mental health. And that's been tough, I have to say, because I've been really good on some days and, and some days I'm not. And then I think, okay, April, you ate that really bad thing, drink a bunch of water.
get some greens down, you do what you can to try to limit the amount of risk you're putting yourself at. So I'm trying to be more thoughtful about that though. Admittedly, it's just not a perfect walk. I've been working on organizing my life. I will call myself...
(06:41.326) Organizing and Hoarding
I came up with this woman I'm working with on organizing my home. I figure I'm a, what you would call a BLH, borderline hoarder. I say borderline because it's not like the show. So, you know, the TV show Hoarders, I mean, they show, you know, the worst case scenarios for individuals that are really, really struggling with their quality of life, with their mental health and the reasons why they hold on to things or the amount of trash and build up in their home that you can't walk around in it. That lets you know someone is truly in pain. That person is not living consciously and it's a huge step when folks come in and that's why they have mental health experts work with them because they know that that really is the issue. And it's no surprise when changes aren't made because most of these folks are middle -aged and on and they've been doing this for years. So I will say anybody in that state, near that state, feel no shame at all. Do not feel the shame. All we want is the best for you and whatever that turns out to be. So there's no way I'm going to point a finger at anybody else when I have the same struggles. I'm fortunate that it's not gone that far, but it could have. It could have. Cause I can now actually see the floor, but there was a bedroom you couldn't, you couldn't touch the floor. I'm not embarrassed to say that because that's where I was and struggling to get, you know, to make these major changes in my life. I'm proud of myself that I'm doing this. It's not perfect. There's still a long way to go, but I was ready to move forward.
(09:01.) Struggles and Progress
And then when you make these changes and it's caretaking, I'm caretaking of myself. I'm being kind to myself. I've always struggled with and I start feeling more like myself. You know, climbing out of depression and I've done that through the years. When you're in a place and you just don't think you'll get out of it, but with the help of friends, family, the limited family I'm with that I have in my life, that I include in my life. And my relationship with God and my two cats, because they keep me sane, I'm able to come out of that. You know, it does scare me sometimes when I think I'm feeling just sad. And I don't like feeling that. So that's why I, I numb. What I used to numb is food is the major source of numbing. And then money's wasted on food. It's like, I'll, you know, I need to own shares and Instacart because the, the amount of money I spent and DoorDash as well. It's like, my goal is to. Never ever order food from them again. Well, okay. I say never ever, but even if it was like once a month, because I see money I'm spending on this stuff when it's April, buy some groceries and prepare a meal. So. There's a lot going on. There are a lot of changes happening and. I was not quite in the. headspace to start my podcast earlier this year, because that was my goal, was to start early February. But I felt like I needed some personal space. I mean, I do the podcast for me because my podcast is twofold. One is supporting women like me. who are living in mid bloom. You're in the middle of your life. You're in the, hey, I've been out in the world and I've learned some things and I've got skills in my back pocket, but hmm, am I living my passion right now? Is it just a side hustle? What do I want out of my life? I think at this age, we start reflecting about sometimes the past. and how the past affected you and how you're realizing that. And you say, I need to make some changes. I want to make some changes because I want to be a happier human being. And so, you know, that's part one of the podcast and part two is my personal journey. I think I've been very authentic in that way, especially sharing a lot of hurtful times in my life and stressful and painful times. But I will tell you that opening up, it helps me tremendously. And I'm hoping that that does help. If I can touch one person to say, you're going to be okay.
(13:10.95) Letting Go
You're going to have to work. You've got to do the work. You've got to have good people in your life. If there aren't good people in your life that aren't going to support you. then you've got to let them go. It doesn't mean that you don't love them, but if they can't support you, if you have people that undermine you that are manipulative, that's just not, it's not good for you. And, you know, changing relationships, it's one of the hardest things you'll ever do. I have been reading some words that that actor Anthony Hopkins had said about living your best life and getting out of your way. And I'll just quote a few things of some of the things that Anthony Hopkins wrote. Let go of people who are not ready to love you. This is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do in your life. and it will also be the most important thing. Stop showing up for people who are not interested in your presence. Truth is you ain't for everybody and everybody ain't for you. This is what makes it so special when you find people you have a friendship with or a mutual love. So I love the things that he's saying and it's so true. All it is is about tear kicking of yourself. There's so much people pleasing going on in so many aspects of my own life.
(14:42.03) People Pleasing, and What I learned from my cats
but it's much less than it used to be. I have to think every single person in the world has some sort of people pleasing thing going on. And, you know, it may be something that really doesn't affect your life, but you're willing to do it. And then there are those situations when you're bending yourself over backwards, you're doing flips and cartwheels. And you're like, well, that's okay, because I care about them and they care about me. Well, if they're, if you're thinking you have to do all those cartwheels while they're just sitting there, you see you, you're doing the cartwheels and they're sitting there watching you, then there's something that's not quite right about all of that. So I look at my cats and they do not people please in any way, shape, or form. And they let me know if I'm petting one of them and they don't want to be petted, I get a little sound or they just leave. They're like, I just want to lay next to you. I don't feel like having you pet me on my head because I'm trying to sleep. Oh, okay. And then they will tell me if they want something. They come walking up to me, walking up to me, and a certain meow sound. I know that somebody wants a T -R -E -A -T. I can't say it because they know the word. I could say it in any different tone. They know what it is. But I got to keep an eye on them because I've got to watch with it because that's what I need to do for myself. I mean, I have had times when. I get up, I get something, I come back, one of them sitting where I am. And do I move them? No, I'll just sit somewhere else. Or they want to come over and lay on me. And that means for me that I can't move. Okay, hopefully they'll move in about 15 minutes because I have some things to do. And I'm sure that, and of course, when I decide, okay, I have to move, there's this upset of what? And you know, indignation, how dare you move, you know, but that's, that's the beauty of owning cats. So I end this episode with saying that this season is going to be a good season. This year is going to be a good year. And I have some really great guests that you'll be hearing from. I'm excited about.
(17:29.422) Honesty and Hope
And I guess my goal here, it's always been the same, is I want people to grow, I want people to be healthy, I want people to love themselves. And in my personal journey, I'm telling myself the same thing, you know, we're growing, you know, creating, that's, you know, healing, all of these things. There's movement. If you're not moving, then you're not, you know, you're not growing. Yes, we fall, you know, and we get up, we pick ourselves up. You know, people try to push us down. And that's when we know that, again, certain relationships have to end. And I will tell you that I'm struggling with the feeling of feeling good. The other day was the other day, a week or so ago, I remember I like back off of that feeling and ate some bad food. You know, I get a stomach ache and that's that's familiar. I know that I'm not afraid of that. And I finally got to a point where, no, I want to feel good. I really do. I really do. So I say again, I want to be honest about my personal journey. I also want to bring people forward to interview, to discuss their own lives and their own passions. And nothing is off the books. Everything is possible. I hope that that is something that you're interested in that. There is an amazing, amazing world out there and I'm so curious about all aspects of it. I want to bring you all along with me on that journey of growing and healing and loving and kindness and my journey too. So you know that nobody's, nobody's walk on a perfect walk here. That just doesn't exist. And that's so important to me. And that's so much of why I'm sharing this with you. And it helps me, you know, all the sadness and pain I was feeling through the holidays. I experienced, I worked through it and it has helped me so much to where I am now and I'm feeling better. You know, I have a friend that, you know, we share, we share difficult stuff, but.
(20:28.718) Walk Through the Pain, Love
The thing is, it's not like we're holding onto it, a wallowing in it. We're just sharing and experiencing. And it's a release. It really is a release. There are a lot of times when I think, oh, I can't feel that pain. I'm not going to survive that pain. But you do. You do survive it. And you go through it. And then you will feel better for it because you've let that little piece, that little nugget of ugly or whatever, you let it go because you experienced it. I have to remind myself the more that I try to numb or work around, it will forever be waiting there for me to work through because if I never do, it will stay there. I know everybody says, you know, time everything's better in time or you work through time. But unless you're making changes in your life, time isn't going to change anything if you don't make any changes. So I'll leave you all with that. And I'm wishing you a beautiful week. I love all of you. And I thank all of you for listening and sticking around. We've got some great stuff coming up.
Love you, Mid-bloomers. Love you all.
Outro
Thank you for joining me today on Living Midbloom. I hope you found this episode insightful, meaningful, and maybe it's given you something to think about. I invite you to share your positive reviews or ideas on topics you would like me to touch on by leaving your comments on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Castbox, Podchaser, or Podcast Addict.
We are all divine beings who just want to be seen, heard, and loved. Have a beautiful day.